I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize