um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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