My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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