about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
