i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There r osticjed everywhere
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
