So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
