well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
too bad you live with your parents still
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
