my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize