i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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