I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
