a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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