Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
