Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
