how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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