Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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