Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
