this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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