my vag is so smooth its legendary
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need moral support for this bender
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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