Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
