He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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