I could have mohawked her pubes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
