There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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