can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
