At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
