Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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