I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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