OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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