you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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