i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
