I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize