There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
