Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
