New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize