I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
