Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
