Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
