You're so nebulous sometimes
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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