I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
