after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
