i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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