I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
