I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Semen is not good for contacts.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
