real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
