maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
