found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
