Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This is my life. Enjoy the view
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
