question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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