She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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