barbara walters just said penis...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
