I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
