I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
