my sisters under your porch take her home
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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