Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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