So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
