I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she peed on how many people?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
