Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
