You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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