Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
