dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
