areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize