i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
