Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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