you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
