there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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