fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
