So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish i was in the wii world.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They have beer where we have blood.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
