How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
