I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize