I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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