There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
