It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
